I hate all girls vehemently.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
