So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
