She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
