I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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