Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
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Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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