your room smells of hookers.
And success
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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