Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
