I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
