after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
