I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
