peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
