Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
