You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
