Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
