I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
