dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
