peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize