I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
