this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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