drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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