You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
