This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
