My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
