Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
