So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
