Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My bed smells like the plague
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
