turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
