Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
