My ATM looks so different sober.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
