and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
