this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
