I love black thongs
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Randomize
