i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize