I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
