I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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