dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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