guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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