i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
