I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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