new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
be right there i have to get my cape
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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