oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
