One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
