He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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