I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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