Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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