I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
