Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize