Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
