hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We're like a lot better than the average bears
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
