Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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