I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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