I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im holly from the hills drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
