i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
