I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
