What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
