Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
