we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
