I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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