Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
