2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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