I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
