I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
two words...techno handjob
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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