Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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