my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
