i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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