I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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