Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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