I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
