check it out our google latitudes are spooning
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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