Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
