I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
