Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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