proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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