so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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