i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
